A Yank in the land of William Wallace and Rob Roy...

     I think it should be a rule that, if your spouse is an immigrant and you go with him/her to vacation in their "homeland", they should have to explain the rules.  There should be some sort of "travel school" with classes on cultural differences and language differences.  My husband and I traveled to Edinburgh Scotland last summer.  My husband is a Yorkshireman.. yes, flat cap and all but no whippett lol.  I am American born and bred.  I wanted to "share" a few pointers that I picked up as a Yankee in the UK:
1.  A "caravan" is NOT a mini van or multi-passenger vehicle, it is a mobile home and "busking" is not an illegal activity, it is performing on sidewalks for money.  So, if a woman with a very tired baby approaches you and tells you that she lives in a "caravan" and her husband is a "busker" who has locked her and the baby out of the "caravan", they do NOT live in their car and her husband is not engaged in illegal activity.  You do not have to give her money.
2.  Always LOOK RIGHT when crossing the street.  In London, they mark the streets "reminding" dumbass tourists to "LOOK RIGHT" but other, smaller cities and areas of the UK do not mark their streets and thus, to avoid being run down by a busker in a caravan, always LOOK RIGHT when crossing the street.
3.   Only people native to the UK seem to understand the difference between a "church", a "chapel" and a "cathedral".. they will attempt to explain it to you but, much like when they explain the royal hierarchial system, it is just too complicated to "get" unless you are a native.  There are earls and dukes and queens and princes and lords... I STILL have no idea who is who!!  I do know that there are some people in the UK so greedy that they are called by several different titles at the same time!  The Duke of Whats-It may also be Lord Whats-It for example. 
4.  Those signs with cameras on them are NOT telling you to that this is a photo op and you should take a picture.  Here in the states, when one sees a highway sign with a camera on it, that means there is something scenic you do not want to miss.  In the UK, it means there is a speed camera that you don't want to miss.  I wandered all over Scotland taking pictures of sheep and various "odd scenic sites" before my loving husband decided to "clue me in" on the fact that the sign was not indicating a photo opportunity but telling people to slow the hell down.  On the upside - the sheep photos I accumulated are adorable!
5.  You WILL need a translator in Scotland.  I went an entire week wondering what the hell a "helin coo" was.  Finally, one very nice older man picked up on the fact that I had NO CLUE what he was talking about so he kindly put his forefingers on top of his head to indicate that he was referring to a HIGHLAND COW.
6.  Do NOT eat haggis and the Scots FRY EVERYTHING.  Where else on earth will you find "fried mars bars" or "fried pizza". 
7.  Beer cost less than soda so SLAINTE!
8.  Never EVER say the word FANNY in the UK.  Old women will fall out of their chairs and small children will look appalled and scared.  It is a VILE, ugly word in the UK.  UK natives carry "bum bags" , not "fanny packs".  Oh and "smoking a fag" is NOT referring to a hate crime..although I still giggle like an idiot every time I hear someone say it. 
9.  It is not a good thing to be called any of the following in the UK:  slapper, tosser, wanker, minger or bollock.  Those are the equivalent of the Yank speak : slut, douche bag, moron, ugly heiffer and idiot.  Ugly women are also referred to as "food" : "she had a face like a chewed up toffee", "she had a face like dried fruit".  Fruit is baaaddd!!
10.  For whatever reason, people in the UK do not seem to believe in washrags.  They call them face cloths but good luck finding one!

People from the UK are also fairly intolerant of one another.  The english do not like the welsh, the scots don't like the english, the welsh don't like the scots.  It's such a teeny country, can't they all just get along??  Oh.. speaking of the welsh, add "sheep shagger" to that list of "not good things to be called in the UK"

Lastly a few terms to learn before you go:

Yank = you
Caravan = mobile home/trailer
Busker = street musician
Roundabout = traffic circle
Central Reservation = median strip
Chips = french fries
Crisps = potato chips
Biscuit = cookie
Lift = elevator
Lorry = truck
Rubber = eraser
Fag = cigarette
Flat = apartment
Holiday = vacation
Taking the piss = teasing/pulling ones leg
On the piss/pish = drunk
Football = soccer
Fit = attractive
Peckish = hungry
Braces = suspenders
Trainers = sneakers

Ooooh the list is long but trust me when I say be very careful what you say !!